So today didn't start off as bad as I would've expected it to. I got up, went to lunch, and came back to relax to one of my favorite movies with my roommate. While watching Moulin Rouge, I couldn't help but think that the sound quality would be better with my ear buds in. I kept thinking how much more of an impact Ewan McGregor's beautiful voice would've had on me if he were singing directly into my ears instead of a distance away. Now before today, my roommate had never seen Moulin Rouge. It was her first experience and I expected her to take an interest and maybe even like this version of a musical. However, this was not the case. Initially, she didn't understand the going ons of the movie and I understood her point of view. Then it turned into calling one of my favorite movies stupid and pointless and I found myself longing to relieve my frustrations and anger with the soothing music of my iPod. I could've just walked over to my computer and plugged in my head phones but then I would not have been able to see the TV or to have lain in bed. Have I really become so lazy and antisocial that I can no longer express my opinions to someone I'm close with? Am I so used to being viewed as the good girl that I can no longer have negative feelings out loud?
I think music has helped me to keep these not so positive feelings hidden. It's been an escape from the frustrations of the world and from the chaotic whirlwind that is my mind. With all the things going on with my family and with my school work, music is the one thing that makes me feel complete and whole. It allows me to feel as though I can sit there in those moments and forget all that is sad and heartbreaking throughout my life. It allows me to be truly and completely stress free and happy. I think this is why I've come to rely on my iPod so much. Without the music, I'd have to acknowledge all the things that I'm mentally not able to cope with at this time. I'd be forced to face things that I'd rather not focus on. Music allows me to put all those things on the back burner. Music takes my mind to a place where there is no pain and no sadness. It makes it OK to put off the things that I will have to face when I reach the maturity level and mental capacity to do so. Without it, I find myself thinking about things that normally I wouldn't allow myself to do. I find myself wondering how I'm going to cope with death, where my future is going, and worrying about my family.
Putting all those emotions aside, back to the description of my day. After the movie finished, my roommate and I got ready for our daily workout at the C.W. Post gym. It wasn't long before we were power walking on the treadmills and waiting for our 40 minutes to be done with. The thing about workouts is that they're supposed to be fun and different. Normally, what makes mine fun is the music I'm able to rock out to as I walk. I find myself singing and dancing as I get through the painful workout. Today, I was unable to do so. I was forced to listen to the sounds of the radio playing quietly through the speakers in the workout room and to the jocks sitting around ogling the females working out. Let's just say it was an experience I don't care to repeat. Between every song there was a break for talking or commercials that lasted anywhere from 3 minutes to 15 minutes. I was able to hear about 10 songs the entire time I was at the gym (which was more than an hour). On top of that, the males lifting weights and stretching behind us were talking about the female assets that they spotted and liked throughout the gym. I should feel comfortable working out and toning my muscles. I shouldn't feel as if I'm a piece of meat on display for all to see. It was just awkward and never would've happened had I been able to listen to my iPod.
Still feeling crappy and annoyed, my roommate and I walked back to our room to hop in the shower before ordering our dinner. As we step into the hot water, both of us sigh in relief to wash the workout away and, for me, hopefully relieve some of the tension I've been feeling all day. This was not to be. After about 3 minutes and just as I was putting shampoo into my hair, the fire alarm goes off. Now, the back story on the fire alarm in our building is that it's faulty and has been going off at all times of the day and night since the beginning of school. The first week we moved into our dorm, the fire alarm went off every night at 2:30 am. It was so bad that my friends and I started laying out clothes before going to bed to wear outside in the wee hours of the morning. These alarms would last anywhere from a half hour to an hour and a half. So naturally when the fire alarm went off while we were in the shower, we were both annoyed and frustrated. We considered staying in the warm water and not even going outside but that thought was quickly brushed aside. Soaking wet and dripping throughout the hallways we ran back to our room in our robes and flip flops trying not to slip on the floor that we made slippery with our water. We got back to our room only to throw on boxers and a sweatshirt before running outside in the freezing cold still dripping wet.Well, there we are standing outside, soaking wet and dripping water, not happy with our situation of the fact that ice crystals were forming in our hair. We stood outside like that for a good half hour waiting for the public safety officials to tell us that the faulty heater in the basement sets off the carbon monoxide detector every time the heater turns on. By now, I'm so pissed off and irritable that drowning my anger in music would've been the best thing for me to do. Instead, I am forced to vent my frustrations on this blog over how horrible my day has been so far. It's not gotten any better since I returned to the shower to wash away the feeling of ice cold water dripping from my hair and down my neck. I don't think it will get any better.
As I sit here eating Chinese and waiting for the Yankee game to start, I hope that this blog does not scare off any of the readers who have chosen to take the time and read my frustrations. It was not meant to make anyone feel sorry for me but rather get out the things that were much needed to be written down. Thanks for reading and expect another post before I fall asleep tonight. Hopefully my mood will be vastly improved. If the Yankees lose, expect something horribly negative. In the meantime, enjoy this scene from the movie Moulin Rouge!
